Upon receiving feedback from my teacher, I found out that my script had several moments that had the potential to create a cinematic experience, and created much more tension than the previous, initial draft.
However, within the areas in which the girl plays with dangerous objects, such as the jigs in the design tech room and the knives in the food tech room, I was told I could raise the tension by developing the description so that WYSIWYG is evident, and is successful in creating a more visual scene for the audience to understand and respond to.
I was also told that I could add to the ending in order to emphasise the role of carer, if temporary, for the girl, who I would be able to show as needing it. I decided to do this by introducing the representation of the girl as being middle class through the use of mise en scene. I will add the prop of a phone, that is broken or has run out of battery, to show that the girl cannot contact anyone. I added this in subtly as to not make a great deal out of it, so that I could get the caretaker to readdress her lack of contact at the end by offering her his phone.
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